Saturday, April 17, 2010

Months

It's been a couple of months since I've blogged. So much has happened, and yet it seems that so little time has passed. We've been through a wedding and four funerals just in my family. Not to mention my church. Seems as though when it rains it pours. It's nice to have an umbrella. I've been learning a lot about myself these last few months as well. Learning that where I thought my patience ended it can stretch. Learning more importantly, that I don't have to be the strong one all the time. I've had a few melt downs. I'm grateful for some wonderful friends who have helped mop up the tears. I love you. Thanks for being there no matter what. I am continuing to learn about my wonderful daughter and her not always so wonderful disability. It's official, we have a diagnosis of ASD, or Autism Spectrum Disorder. Took me a while to absorb that one. I'm not supposed to be the mom of a 'special child'. I wouldn't trade her for anything though. She's brilliant in her own way. Some days I get so frustrated I want to cry, but I'm learning that it's okay. I actually am finding reading material that I'm having a difficult time getting through. Not because it's difficult information to understand, mind you, just that I see my Kait in every line. Sometimes it makes me laugh, sometimes I cry. Next month I'm going to a seminar called "You are not alone". That's how I feel more often than not. Totally and completely alone. But then someone calls, or texts, or e-mails and I am once again reminded that there are people there that don't care if I call them and cry. I don't have to be the rock. It's nice to know that. I'm looking forward to meeting more moms like me. I know they exist. Kait is in a class of kids like her.. all of whom have mom's like me. It's the meeting them that's difficult. I wish I could be more involved in her class. I know I'm needed here during that time, but perhaps next year I'll be able to have a day a month or something. Maybe I'll even join the PTA.. or PTO as it's called now. It has been wonderful to see her blossom over this past year. She is so much more independent now than she used to be. Almost on par with her sister. It's strange to see them together. One that didn't know them would probably think that they are twins except for the size difference. I know that soon Andi will pass Kait up developmentally. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself for that day. It will be here before I'm ready, I'm sure of that. She already has in some areas. But it will be okay. I know it will be... I will be to. I have a support system now, and it's only going to get bigger and stronger. See what happens when I write without purpose? I ramble... I'm going to stop now because it's late, and I'm tired. Perhaps tomorrow I will write with purpose. ~Lydia

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